Letter from Christine Jowdy

Jon,

Loving someone is not easy. I love you. I do not expect saying that will change anything, but my love for you won't stop because we are not together, nor do I believe we can be together now. I also know that you don't believe me because you have expressed enormous anger toward me, and you said so. I am understanding of that. Our relationship is complex due to the interference of other parties, the court, and the trauma and abuse that I have been enduring for over 20 years. I believe you came into my life without fully understanding the breadth of harm and damage that was done, and you nor I expected it to continue. Given the circumstances, I know you did your best. I know you were drawn into a terrible situation, and I don't blame you for any of it. The sadness I carry in not being able to have a relationship with my children or influence their lives in any way is unbearable. I am sorry you got to know me through that part of my life. You have given me a direction and hope that things will change; as hard as it may be to move forward each day, I still have a path because of you. I wanted so badly to grow old with you, but I could not put aside the emotions and trauma I am dealing with because of the loss of my relationship with my children. Given what I have been through, I found it very hard to trust you or anyone. I wish that were not true. I know how hard you worked to help me, and I am grateful for everything. I am most thankful for your kindness, friendship, and willingness to guide me forward during an incredibly difficult period in my life. I have enjoyed all of the good moments with you, including our travels to Wyoming and Maine, you reading to me, friends for dinners, dinners out, buying the Canaan home and moving there with the dream of working on it with you, buying the camper, you playing the guitar, playing with the dogs, discovering I like country music, learning how to shoot a gun, bow and arrow target shooting, and even dreams of going to Alaska and many others.

I hope you understand that I could/can not be in a relationship with you because I am overwhelmed by the loss of my relationship with my children, and over time, it has become worse for me, not better. I struggle to discuss court issues because I am overwhelmed and hurting, yet I was looking to you for those answers, and that was not fair or helpful. I can't focus on a relationship, and I know that I need time away from any expectations and focus on you and me. I needed time to destress and manage my thinking to move forward. Therapy was not doing it, and yes, I have a PhD now, but I still need space to manage all my life obligations. I care deeply about you, and I know you must make your best choices and have your plans. I am sad about the circumstances, but I don't know how to improve things for you immediately. I know that I need time to complete the Civil Cases, and I won't be able to emotionally add any additional responsibilities into my life until that is complete. You are welcome to stay at the home in Canaan. I will always keep the door open for you; I consider you family.

Noah went to the hospital for a psychiatric emergency on Tuesday morning. I was made aware when the hospital called me asking for a release. It took 3 hours for the hospital to contact me, but I could not provide it because Judge Winslow gave the father full custody. I don't know where Milot was, and I don't know what happened. I do know that it took place at Milot's home. I also know that Milot has not gotten a psychiatrist for Noah. It devasted me because I could not be there for my son. I cannot get the hospital report because Noah is over 12, and I need Noah to sign a release. I got the Discharge papers, which identified the timing and the referral to a psychiatrist.

I know you are still angry about the situation with Rob. I had nothing to do with his choice. I am sorry that I did not communicate to you clearly that there was time to deal with the Walsh case. I emailed Rob earlier this week, telling him I wanted a discussion after the holiday to review the Walsh case for risk and steps to move forward. I have a Dec 1 family court date to deal with the finances, and I have a lead on a possible account(s) Milot had before the June 19th dissolution date. I have Milot's mother's will; let me know if you want a copy. We still both have Civil Cases against Milot, and I hope we can work toward completing those.

Please give hugs to Elvis for me. I miss him too! Enjoy your holiday.

Kind Regards,

Christine Jowdy

12 Church Terrace
North Canaan, CT 06018
cell 860-483-6034
email christinejowdy@protonmail.com